Hate Cooking
I don’t cook. Hell, I hardly eat. But I hate cooking anyway. Cooking is hated and silly because you can cook for 3 hours and then eat for 15 minutes. That’s a really bad preparation:activity ratio. The only redeeming quality that cooking has is the idea that you can combine a whole bunch of seemingly random items and finish with one great item. I can respect that. But it still takes too damn long.
Crossword Fright
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Games/Toys on October 24th, 2009
The one problem I have with the newspaper crossword puzzles is that they have predictable difficulty levels depending on the day. We know Monday and Tuesday will be the easiest and it will get progressively more difficult as the week goes on. I think the difficulty level should be completely random. Then there would be no reason to be scared of Friday.
Rally Cap For Life
Posted by WIWAM in Fashion, Humans/Society on October 23rd, 2009
Sometimes during a baseball game if a team is losing the fans of that team will take their hats and turn them inside out and put them back on their heads. This superstition is supposed to help their team in some fashion, and it’s called a “Rally cap”. I think we should applying this to more things in everyday life. Have a deadline at work you’re behind on? Rally cap! Driving and late to the wedding? Rally cap! Think you missed your period? Rally cap! You might have to wear it for a few days in that particular case. Let’s make this happen!
Fish Fight
Posted by WIWAM in Religion, Transportation on October 22nd, 2009
I very much dislike bumper stickers, magnets, etc. on the back of cars but I do enjoy the fact that I’m starting to see more and more “darwin fish” than ever before. I also enjoy that the darwin fish has little feet to signify evolution taking place. Way to fight back against the evil “jesus fish”, darwin fish.
Shower Farting
Posted by WIWAM in Personal, Ridiculousness on October 21st, 2009
Whenever I fart in the shower I think about how nice it is to be cleaning both the inside and outside of my body at the same time.
Light Driving
Posted by WIWAM in Idiots, Transportation on October 20th, 2009
People don’t know how to drive. People are mostly retarded of course so this shouldn’t surprise anyone. I come across drivers on the road all the time who don’t turn their lights on in the rain. They don’t turn their lights on in the snow. And they don’t turn their lights on AT NIGHT. WHEN IT’S DARK OUT. NIGHT IS WHERE THE DARK IS. LIGHTS ARE WHERE THE LIGHT IS. TURN YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS ON.
Animal Icing
Posted by WIWAM in Animals, Commonalities, Ridiculousness on October 19th, 2009
What if animals pooped icing? Not icing with traces of feces, just icing. 100% icing. Would you eat it? Would it make a difference which animal it was coming out of?
The First Blowjob
Who was the first person to give another person a blowjob? How long ago was this sexual act invented? 10,000 years? 3,000 years? 1,000 years ago? Surely the Romans must have given blowjobs. Did it happen by accident? Was it a thought out act? Was it performed by a man or woman? Was it at all pleasurable or was there a steep learning curve? Did it catch on quickly or did it take a while to grow in popularity?
I have a lot of blowjob questions.
Fleecuum
Posted by WIWAM in Fashion, Ridiculousness on October 17th, 2009
I don’t need to buy a vacuum because I have a fleece jacket. Any piece of hair, dust or lint in my apartment will be picked up by the jacket within 10 seconds of removing it from my closet. I’m convinced that it can pick up other things like pieces of food that fall on the ground, spilled drinks, bowling balls, children, very small rocks, gravy, monster trucks and churches.
Penny a la Vodka
Posted by WIWAM in Food, Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs on October 16th, 2009
I wonder if a man whose favorite dish is Penne a la Vodka who had a girlfriend or a wife named Penny ever coerced her into a sexual fantasy involving the food. I picture her sliding around in an over-sized bowl, waist deep in vodka sauce with noodles the same size of her.
But that’s just me.