Archive for ‘Uncategorized’
Removed Cousins
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on July 26th, 2010
I don’t understand how cousins work. I’ve always detached myself a little from family so I never asked simple family questions even as a child like, “What is a cousin?” At this point in my life I do understand what a cousin is, but not the specifics behind what makes a 2nd cousin, 4th cousin, 5th cousin, etc. It’s a simple matter of not caring enough to think about it, mostly. Therefore, I also don’t understand what it means to be “removed” in cousin status. I’m assuming marriages are involved, as is usually the case with family nomenclature, but again I suppose i just don’t care enough to sit down and think about it, or even look it up. I suppose I’ll die without ever knowing and I guess I’m fine with that.
Tags: Cousins
Shaving Sharing
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on July 3rd, 2010
Is it unsanitary to use the same razor to shave your balls and your face? I hope not, because I don’t switch razors or blades when I shave. The whole of the outside of my body is very clean on a daily basis so I don’t see how this is a problem. In fact, I suspect my balls are much cleaner than my face at any particular moment. That’s it. I really just wanted to inform you of this for no particular reason.
Tags: Shaving
Unknown Murder
Posted by WIWAM in Personal, Uncategorized on June 24th, 2010
I wear my headphones at work and they play quite loudly for almost the entire length of the day, so if something were to happen in the office I likely would have no idea it happened. If there was an earthquake I’d feel it, if there was a tornado I’d see it, but if someone were to come in and murder everyone behind me I probably would just sit there and keeping working and singing under my breath to the music. The point is, I would make a pretty bad witness.
Tags: Headphones, Murder
Speed Hump
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on June 18th, 2010
I’ve recently realized that speed humps and speed bumps are two different and unique things. I don’t think I’ve realized this before. I saw a sign on the road that said “Speed Hump” and when I reached this apparent hump I was greeted by a speed bump that was much longer and seemingly lower to the ground than your normal speed bump. When did these speed humps start becoming a part of our society? Was there a memo sent out about this new invention in road obstacles, because I never received it. Another quality of the speed hump is it’s ability to piss me off a lot more than a speed bump. Do we really need to be babied so much on the road? Does the speed hump actually cause people to be more careful than a speed bump? What’s the point of the extra length on this hump? Seems like just another useless thing designed to be a dick.
Tags: Speed Bump
Sleep Through Solitary
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on June 3rd, 2010
The consensus seems to be that the worst part of prison would be extended periods of solitary confinement. I suppose you’d have to experience it to truly know how horrible it really is, but I have a feeling a few friends of mine would be able to handle it better than most. The one way I can see to “beat” solitary confinement would be to sleep through it as much as possible. Unfortunately I only sleep for six to seven hours a night, but I have friends that sleep for much longer. One of my friends consistently sleeps for ten hours a night, and another sleeps more than she is awake. Not only does she sleep more than not sleep, but when she’s awake she always wants to be sleeping. I’ve seen her sleep from 2am to 2pm, wake up and go back to sleep at 4pm for another three to four hours. This girl would have no problems with solitary confinement. In fact, they’d probably kick her out of solitary for wasting their cell.
Tags: Imprisonment, Solitary Confinement
Not A Celeb – You’re Ugly
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on May 29th, 2010
Some people claim that they look like or people tell them they look like a celebrity. I’m not sure if this is supposed to make them feel special or not, but some idiots tend to have a certain amount of pride in the thought. First of all, celebrities are regular people who happen to have a job that makes them well-known. This does not mean they’re good people, so I would refrain from getting excited about a possible connection to a celebrity. And secondly, you do not look like a celebrity. Most celebrities who are well-known from movies and television are much more attractive than you. Frankly, it’s doubtful that there’s much of a resemblance at all. Perhaps your nose happens to have a feature that vaguely reminds people of Uma Thurman. But you are not Uma Thurman. You are much more ugly than Uma Thurman. And Uma Thurman isn’t even very attractive. What I’m trying to say is that you’re ugly and you don’t look like people who are more attractive than you are.
Tags: Celebrities
Weird Warnings
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on May 20th, 2010
I wish that after extensive studies before new products hit the market scientists and researchers find that some cause really weird and obscure problems. For example I wish that they found that a new Playstation 3 game may cause birth defects in lions. Especially great would be if federal law required them to write that on the box. Then you’d be able to make a more informed decision about the product you’re purchasing.
“Hmm, honey this birthday card may cause abnormal temporal wind patterns in the Andromeda galaxy.”
“Damn that’s too bad, because it’s really funny. Let’s get it anyway.”
Not Cultured
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on May 16th, 2010
Contrary to popular belief, standing on or next to a monument in a foreign country does not make you cultured. This is especially true if you have a McDonalds cheeseburger in your hands, if you are wearing a fanny pack or if you are pointing at or making some sort of gesture to the monument. Take your picture so you can show everyone you visited a pretty cool monument and move on.
Container Convenience
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on May 15th, 2010
I remember a time when orange juice containers did not have convenient holes and caps and pouring spouts. What did we ever do before this? Did we open the side of the container using what I call the “Spout Creation Technique”? I suppose that’s what we did. Man, that sucked. Why did we put up with that bullshit? Unfortunately, the new convenient containers use more plastic than their two decade old predecessors, but in this case I’m willing to make an exception to my rule to try to use products with as little waste as possible. All hail the pouring spout!
Tags: Containers, Orange Juice
Fire Training
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on May 10th, 2010
I’m not confident that I’d be able to use a fire extinguisher in case of a fire-related emergency in my apartment. I have a fire extinguisher and have knowledge that there is a pin that I think needs to get removed, and then I feel like I have to keep back about 6 feet or so from the fire and spray. But the details aren’t clear to me and I could very easily be wrong. Even with this knowledge if accurate I’m not sure I could get the job done. I feel like everyone should be taught how to use one as a kid, will a full demonstration and hands-on training. Then once every 5 years you should go take a test, similar to a driver’s test to make sure you remember how to use one. If you don’t pass you don’t get to own anything that’s flammable. Like a home.
Tags: Fire Extinguisher, Training
Keep Them Waiting
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on December 13th, 2009
I’m pretty sure that most of my childhood was spent outside waiting for someone to pick me up from somewhere. Forget about being picked up on time, I always had to wait at least 3 hours even if I was half a mile away from home, even if it was 10 degrees out.
Tags: Waiting
Made In China
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on November 19th, 2009
Just about every piece of furniture or equipment I buy has that little sticker on it that says Made In China. First of all, does China make everything? I know they work 18 hour days for pennies but don’t places have slave labor? What are they making? I suppose there’s a reason China pretty much owns our country. Anyway, I wonder that sticker is put on the product in China or do they put the final touches on everything somewhere else? Also, who makes the Made In China stickers?
S-elf Casualties
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on November 7th, 2009
One thing that always bothers me in movies with large-scale battles are the lack of casualties shown from arrows shot from one’s own side. In Lord of the Rings there is a battle where tens of thousands of elvish archers are shooting arrows not over the top of their swordsman counterparts, but between them. Are you telling me that there isn’t one shitty elvish archer out of tens of thousands? I didn’t see one swordsman fall to the ground because an arrow hit him in the back of the head. This is very much unrealistic. Even elvish archers can’t be perfect. I want to see more bad archers kill their own people in movies. Are you listening Hollywood?
Tags: Arrows, Lord of the Rings
Why Buy When You’re Expecting?
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on October 4th, 2009
It seems that the first time anyone gets pregnant they run out and buy all the baby books, including What To Expect When You’re Expecting. There must be at least 10 billion copies of this book in circulation by now. Why not just borrow it from someone you know? If no one you knows has it surely their friends must. How many degrees of separation exist between you and this book? It must be attainable. Ask around, go to the library, save some money. You’re going to need it.
Tags: Borrow, Buy, What To Expect When You're Expecting
No More Books
Posted by WIWAM in Uncategorized on September 12th, 2009
Whenever an author dies whose works I enjoy reading, invariably the first thought that goes through my head is that it will be a lot easier to catch up on all his/her material now that he/she is not going to be writing any more. Only once I’m caught up do I begin to get upset about the fact that there won’t be any more books.