Archive for ‘Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating’
Czech Meet
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on July 17th, 2010
I have an idea for a new dating site. It’s going to be a hit… in the Czech Republic. It’s called Czech Meet. Get it?! Screw you, it’s awesome. The slogan can be, “Czech Meet, where you can meet your Czech mate.” Someone should follow through with this idea and give me 25% of the profit.
Thanks.
Beach Balls
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on July 14th, 2010
I think it would be pretty terrible to have, “beach balls”. Doesn’t this sound like a horrific secondary sex organ problem? “I’m sorry sir. I’m afraid you have… beach balls.” That’s the last thing I’d want to hear at the doctor’s office. What would be the symptoms of beach balls? Testicles filled with sand? Multi-colored testicles? Children come around and slap your nuts around? No matter how you cut it, it would be terrible to have “beach balls”. How would one go about curing these beach balls? Surely you’d have to stay out of the sun for quite a while. I hope I never get “beach balls”, and I hope you don’t either.
Tags: Beach Balls
Cooter Scooter
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating, Transportation on June 29th, 2010
As is the case with most of my sex toy ideas, I do not research to see if they actually exist. I’m sure this one does in some capacity and if it does not then I am a goddamn genius and am in need of a sex toy inventor’s job ASAP (for those reading with connections).
Anyway, there should be a scooter or some type of motorized bike outfitted with a dildo on the seat, for those women who are stuck in traffic or just need to orgasm before work or wherever they’re going. Nowadays, there is precious little time to get things done and multitasking is a necessity. So travel and masturbation seems like a logical pairing. So for you invention companies out there, get moving for my lady friends. You can call it the Cooter Scooter. I expect royalties.
And yes, I clearly think about dildos more than the average person.
Tags: Dildos, Scooter, Sex Toys
Clitoris Launcher
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on June 17th, 2010
If I were to invent a product, I think I would invent the clitoris launcher. I’m not sure what it would look like or what it would do, but that’s what I’d go with. It sounds a little scary but I assure you it would be made of the highest quality material and it would have a full money back guarantee. I certainly would want the consumer to be 100% satisfied with all of her clitoris launching. I would ask that it be washed thoroughly before shipping back to me in the case of a return.
Tags: Clitoris
Box Girl
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on June 2nd, 2010
Imagine, for a moment, that you’ve met the person of your dreams. He or she is a match for you in every way; emotionally, sexually, intellectually. You plan on spending the rest of your life with this person. There is however one big problem; they shit in a litter box. Every time they need to go they squat down in a box filled with kitty litter and let it rip. They cover it up with litter, stand up, wash their hands and go on with their lives like it’s perfectly normal. That’s not the worst part, though. They make you clean the litter box. Now remember, this person is perfect in every other way. You are meant for each other. You mesh. You click. You and this person just make sense. It is exactly how a love for the ages should be; except they shit in a litter box that you have to clean. Daily. Do you stay with this person?
Tags: Dream Girl, Litter box
Healthy Sex Pill
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on November 14th, 2009
Near the end of most commercials about male erectile dysfunction they’ll go through the steps you should take to determine whether or not you should take the advertised drug. First of all, these companies don’t really care if you should take it. 99.9% of television watchers don’t need this drug and for the most part they’re advertising to the typical paranoid American. Anyway, one of these steps is to consult your doctor and ask… here it comes… IF YOU’RE HEALTHY ENOUGH FOR SEX. Are they serious? What type of question is that to ask your doctor? Sure, maybe in some cases its relevant but is anyone actually going to ask that question? And more importantly, is anyone actually going to follow their doctor’s advice if he or she says they shouldn’t be having sex? The only reasons I can think of for not being healthy enough to have sex is bent penis syndrome, tattered vagina disease or perhaps the fact that you’re already dead. Other than those unlikely scenarios, people are having sex if it’s an option to them. So spare me the legal crap about being healthy enough to have sex.
Tags: Commercials, Erectile Dysfunction, Prescription Drugs, Sex
Hottequin
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on November 11th, 2009
Is it wrong to be attracted to a mannequin? I’m not saying I want to take one home, drill a hole and have my way with it but these items are designed to be attractive in addition to being functional. Also, they’re modeled after real people in many cases. So if I see a hot mannequin am I allowed to point it out? Does it matter who is in my company at the time of my statement? Would telling my girlfriend that I was attracted to a mannequin be a bad idea? It certainly wouldn’t imply that the mannequin was more attractive than she is, but I also wouldn’t want to tap into her insecurities. I guess it’s just best to keep these things to myself. And you.
Tags: Attractiveness, Mannequin
Making In
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating, Words/Language on November 9th, 2009
Why does the saying, “Making out” refer to kissing and groping? Who came up with and decided to use this terminology to describe this particular act? And why isn’t it “Making in”? Why does everything need it’s own cute name? Why can’t we just call it what it is? Neither word actually describes the act in any way. Along the same lines but even more ambiguous is the saying, “Hook up”. In this case the words partially describe acts being done but doesn’t clarify what those acts are. Did these people kiss? Perform oral sex? Have intercourse? More questions arise when you say, “Hook up” than if you hadn’t used it in the first place.
Tags: Making In, Making Out
Aging Pornography
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on November 3rd, 2009
Recently a strange question found its way into my head; How many female porn stars are there over 70 years old? Are these women that have been in the porn industry for most of their lives or was it a recent event that got them involved? Do they need the money? Does social security not cover all of their bills and this was the only job they could get? Are they actually…enjoying themselves? I suppose a bigger and more important question may be, how many young male porn stars actually volunteer to be involved in scenes with these much older women? Is it a specialty of theirs or did they lose a coin flip? I suppose for the ones that don’t enjoy these scenes its like any other acting gig. But then there are the ones who actually enjoy being in scenes with women 50 years older than them. I think that might be the most frightening thought of all.
Tags: Old Women, Pornography
The First Blowjob
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on October 18th, 2009
Who was the first person to give another person a blowjob? How long ago was this sexual act invented? 10,000 years? 3,000 years? 1,000 years ago? Surely the Romans must have given blowjobs. Did it happen by accident? Was it a thought out act? Was it performed by a man or woman? Was it at all pleasurable or was there a steep learning curve? Did it catch on quickly or did it take a while to grow in popularity?
I have a lot of blowjob questions.
Tags: Blowjob, Inventions
Penny a la Vodka
Posted by WIWAM in Health/Nutrition/Food, Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on October 16th, 2009
I wonder if a man whose favorite dish is Penne a la Vodka who had a girlfriend or a wife named Penny ever coerced her into a sexual fantasy involving the food. I picture her sliding around in an over-sized bowl, waist deep in vodka sauce with noodles the same size of her.
But that’s just me.
Sensitive Surgery
Posted by WIWAM in Humans/Society/Family, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on October 13th, 2009
Has anyone ever had clitoris replacement surgery? Is this something available at this point? What if someone burned off their clit in a horrible overheating vibrator incident? Wouldn’t you want them to be able to replace such an integral part of their sexual inventory? I’d hope it regain at least part of its sensitivity. My heart goes out to you, clit accident victims. I pray every day for you and your clits, damaged or replaced.
Parkinsex
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on October 9th, 2009
If you’re having sex with someone who has Parkinson’s disease, how do you know if their spasms are caused by an intense orgasm or from the Parkinson’s?
Tags: Parkinson's Disease, Sex
Basic Rules
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on September 23rd, 2009
My rules for my cat are the same as my rules for my girlfriends. You can play with it as long as you’re not chewing on it.
One Shower For All
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on September 15th, 2009
The great thing about having sex in the shower is that no sheets or other items get dirty and when you need to clean off after you’re already in the right place to do that.
Tags: Convenience, Sex, Showers