Archive for ‘Personal’
Simple Wedding
Posted by WIWAM in Humans/Society/Family, Personal on August 6th, 2010
I don’t need a big wedding. In fact, I don’t want a big wedding. I believe that special moments in your life should be shared by a few special people, not a large cast of characters and people you haven’t seen for years. Weddings should be inexpensive and tasteful. You know where I’m going with this? Damn right, I’m talking about a funfetti wedding cake. Funfetti is awesome. Cakes are awesome. Funfetti cakes are awesome. Weddings are awesome. Weddings have cakes. Therefore, weddings need funfetti cakes. I’m not adament about this and I’d likely let my future wife handle the wedding planning if she so desired, but I see no reason why we can’t have a funfetti cake. Weddings should be fun and silly, with a few serious parts but they should also be yummy, delicious and inexpensive. And that’s where the funfetti cake comes into play.
Let It Ride
Posted by WIWAM in Personal, Sports/Entertainment/Music on July 29th, 2010
Are there any movies that you’ve seen that you’ve tried to get your friends to watch and enjoy, only to find that you’re the only person that enjoys it? That’s Let It Ride for me. Let It Ride is a comedy made in 1989 starring Richard Dreyfuss and some zany characters about a guy who has a very good day at the racetrack. Unfortunately, I’m the only person I know that finds this movie so funny and every time I try to get someone to like it as much as me, afterwards they curse me for making them watch it. Not only that, but when I watch it with other people and they don’t enjoy it they bring me down and I feel self-conscious laughing at everything while they’re as silent as a dead bird. Now I only get enjoyment when watching it alone. So please, for the love of Jesus and his merry men, watch this movie and tell me if you think it’s stupid one-liners are hilarious or retarded.
Tags: Let It Ride, Movies
Showtime
I can’t hear the word, “Showtime” without singing, “At the Apollo” in my head. I don’t know if this is related to a head injury as a child or just my complete failure in leaving adolescence.
Tags: Showtime
Nude TV Watching
Sometimes when I’m on the couch watching TV and it’s a hot day I’ll just wear my boxers. Normally this is fine behavior, but occasionally if it’s really hot I’ll find myself slipping my boxers off without even realizing what I’m doing. It’s like my hands have a secret agenda to take my boxers off while my brain and eyes are occupied with the TV. Being naked in front of the TV is also fine, but then there are weird moments where I’ll change the channel and there will be a baseball game on, or a show with only men. At that point I look around my empty apartment to make sure someone isn’t watching me, sees this and runs out of the apartment without giving me a chance to explain what was going on.
A Few Rubber Bands
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Personal on June 28th, 2010
I needed a few rubber bands for a project I was working on, so as anyone would do I went to Staples. Unfortunately, Staples only sells rubber bands in packages and counts of a billion. I think it’s a billion, it may be upwards of two billion. I now have enough rubber bands to left me for the rest of my existence. I will never have to buy rubber bands again for the rest of my life, unless of course someone comes and steals my rubber bands. I don’t think that scenario is very likely though, since the thief would need to own a wheelbarrow. So if you need any rubber bands…ever…give me a call.
Tags: Rubber Bands
Unknown Murder
Posted by WIWAM in Personal, Uncategorized on June 24th, 2010
I wear my headphones at work and they play quite loudly for almost the entire length of the day, so if something were to happen in the office I likely would have no idea it happened. If there was an earthquake I’d feel it, if there was a tornado I’d see it, but if someone were to come in and murder everyone behind me I probably would just sit there and keeping working and singing under my breath to the music. The point is, I would make a pretty bad witness.
Tags: Headphones, Murder
I Do It For You
Posted by WIWAM in Health/Nutrition/Food, Personal on June 1st, 2010
I’m a very low maintenance person, with very few demands. Because of this, I tend to give in to girlfriends who have certain demands, because I don’t care either way and I want them to be happy. One girl couldn’t drink water at my apartment unless I bought a water filter. Every time she had tap water she gave me one of those, “This is the most disgusting thing on the planet” faces. Personally, I’d drink the water out of the toilet if it was convenient. Normally there are more convenient options so I will not do so. Anyway, I bought a water filter to appease her. It tasted a little better I suppose, but I didn’t really care either way. So I ended up getting into the habit of buying replacement filters and drinking this filtered water. Then after a while I broke up with her, but out of habit I kept buying replacement filters and drinking the filtered water. For about a year I mindlessly purchased them, even though those things cost a bloody fortune and I didn’t care either way. It would’ve kept happening for eternity if I did accidentally break the filter itself.
End of pointless story. Scurry along now.
Tags: Water Filter
Phone Memory
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Personal on December 3rd, 2009
Without fail, I always remember the one thing I wanted to bring up on a phone call within a minute of hanging up the phone. Normally if I call someone I’ll have a few topics I want to cover, but I’ll get distracted by the flow of the conversation and forget one of the topics. Usually the most important one. Recently I was on the phone with a friend three times during the day and each time when I hung up I remembered the one thing I wanted to tell him. Instead of calling him back immediately and telling him (because he was driving) I waited and spoke to him later and forgot the same thing. Three times. I’m pretty retarded.
Tags: Forgetfulness, Phone
Keep Your Nickel
Posted by WIWAM in Health/Nutrition/Food, Personal on November 27th, 2009
For the past few years I’ve participated in a wonderful event called the Tour de Cure to raise money for diabetes. Because of this I often get mail from the American Diabetes Association looking for donations. Recently they sent me a letter which had a nickel inside and they claimed that even a nickel can help towards finding a cure for diabetes. If this nickel is so important why are you sending it to me?! Keep your nickel and use it for research! Or at least towards another cup of coffee for someone who’s doing research. Also, how many people do you think they are sending nickels to? That has to be a lot of nickels. If you ask me they’re not doing a very good job raising money for a cure. They’re doing the opposite.
Tags: ADA, Diabetes, Donations
Size Order
We all have different ways we like items organized. Personally, I like to arrange items in size order, especially if the item in question is a DVD or a book. If I’m organizing books on a shelf, the tallest book needs to be in the upper left and the smallest book in the bottom right. This mostly refers to height, however it can be difficult if I own a small, long book. These books really piss me off. They either have to go on a shelf for retarded books that don’t fit my structure, removed entirely from display or be thrown in the garbage. I don’t like books that stick out from the rest. This organizational structure of mine was tested mightily when I worked at a book store and had no choice but to sort by author. Rest assured, if multiple prints of a certain book existed the taller book was always in the upper left in the author’s section. This is what we call controlling the crazy.
Yummy Gummy
Posted by WIWAM in Health/Nutrition/Food, Personal on November 21st, 2009
I recently started taking a multivitamin in gummy form. I have a tough time taking large pills so the gummy route seemed to be the best option. I expected them to taste a little medicinal but to my surprise they tasted like candy. So this leads me to the question, how can you now take anything not in gummy form? The more important question might be, how can something that tastes this good have so many vitamins and minerals inside? Does it? Are they lying? Are the nutritional facts indeed accurate? Why didn’t they create this before? It all seems a little fishy to me.
Scary Gas
Posted by WIWAM in Personal, Transportation on November 16th, 2009
I like pumping gas and prefer to pump my own but I have particular gas stations that I trust and feel comfortable at, and I don’t enjoy going to gas stations that I’ve never been to before. Sometimes it’s because I don’t know if they’re only full serve stations or I think there will be a strange method to start the pump. Obviously, there are times in which I have no choice and have to go to one I’ve never visited previously. Once I go to this new gas station and have an acceptable experience then I’m fine and they can join my list of gas stations I’m not afraid of.
Tags: Comfort, Gas Stations
Eyebrow Care
Posted by WIWAM in Humans/Society/Family, Personal on November 8th, 2009
As a man, I’m unfamiliar with the amount of care I’m supposed to give my eyebrows. Maybe I just wasn’t paying attention in health class, but I don’t think we ever covered hygiene regarding non beard facial hair. Am I supposed to keep the hair at a certain length? What’s the best way to trim? Is it better to just pluck out hairs that get too long? Do I have to get this done at a salon? I don’t think I’m a salon kinda guy, as I would assume most men aren’t. That would mean home care is the way to go. Where’s my man pamphlet that explains all of this? Where’s my manphlet? Until I receive one I’ll just continue to pluck out hairs that look too long. You let me know if something looks stupid, because I’ll have no idea.
Tags: Eyebrows
Dark Walking
One day I’m going to murder someone. Not on purpose, mind you. I’m going to murder someone by accident because this world is full of retarded idiots. When the idiots are retarded you know there will be a lot of murdering. The reason I’m going to murder someone is because it seems that everyone who decides to talk a walk at night in my neighborhood does so in all black clothing. In addition to not being at all visible, they have decided it is a good idea to bypass the sidewalk and walk in the street. Mind you, the street is where my car is. You know what a car is; the two ton piece of metal traveling at speeds likely to kill you black-clothing-wearing idiots. I shouldn’t need to break down the word sidewalk for you but I will. Side seems to imply a place NOT IN THE STREET. Walk refers to the activity that should be done while NOT IN THE STREET. Fuck all of you people, let the accidental murdering commence.
Tags: Clothing, Darkness, Walking
Shocking Music
When I’m doing laundry at the laundromat I like to listen to music and keep my headphones on, unless I’m trying to learn some new Spanish phrases. The problem with this is that when it’s time to fold my clothes I always forget that static electricity and headphones do not mix. I’ll feel the shock in my hands and instantly I realize that I’m in for an unpleasant ride. The shocks go up my arms, into the wire and up into my ears where the pain will cause every muscle in my body to tighten and my eyes to close. You would think this would cause me to learn my lesson, but you can forget about that. Two seconds later I’m back folding clothes and listening to tunes, waiting for the next jolt.
Tags: Earplugs, Static Electricity