Archive for ‘Animals/Nature’
Real Men Shoot Wood
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Sports/Entertainment/Music on August 4th, 2010
Unfortunately, on Saturday mornings before the ESPN English Premier League soccer match of the week I am forced to watch a 4 minute infomercial about outdoor sports equipment. I’m often reminded of how ridiculous modern hunting equipment is, to the point where I can’t understand how it’s even fun for the hunters anymore. The most prime example of this is the mdern hunting bow, shown below:
Look at that fucking thing! There are wheels on it! The animals don’t stand a chance. If you were hunting animals for food or to make clothing, for survival in general I could understand wanting to have the best technology to improve your chances of living. But hunting with that type of technology for sport… I fail to see how anyone could enjoy it, with accurate shots past 150 yards. 150 yards! I say to these real men who are hunting for sport, go grab a knife and engage the animal in a real fight. Good luck.
Tags: Archery, Bow Hunting
Gather, Not Hunt
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Humans/Society/Family on July 31st, 2010
I’m glad I don’t live in a time period where I’d have to hunt or gather. Gathering I’d be fine at, in fact I would likely excel at gathering. However, I don’t know if hunting is my cup of tea. I can be aggressive and confident, but it’s not natural for me and I’d rather relax, sitting in a field picking berries than tackle a wild boar. That being said, if I lived in a time period where any of this was necessary, even gathering would likely be quite dangerous and I would need to learn to defend myself from animals or rivals.
Which bring me to my point: I think I would enjoying making spears. Making spears to defend myself against animals that attacked me while I was gathering would be fun. I like working with my hands and if I made my own spear I could customize it to be more effective in defense. Like for instance, poison-tipped rocks from poisons I gathered or collected from frogs. I could get on board with that. I’d leave the true hunting for food to the aggressive, type A personalities while I gathered berries with my poison spear.
Kitty Licks
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature on July 25th, 2010
How do kittens and cats know that they need to clean themselves with their tongue? Forget cleaning themselves with their tongue, how do they even know they need to clean themselves? Sometimes the wonder and scope of genetics baffles me, and I love it. My kitty cat did not grow up in a stable, functional kitty home with a mom and a dad and a mortgage and therefore was not instructed by his kitty parents on how to clean himself properly. Everything he “knows” regarding tongue-cleaning is instinctual, unless he immediately picked up on his mom cleaning him with her tongue at birth, which seems unlikely. On second thought, it was probably just Jesus.
Animal Breeding: Part 2
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Words/Language on July 19th, 2010
If you were to breed:
1) A Rhinoceros
2) A Kangaroo
You would end up with:
A Rhinoroo. One of the most dangerous and aggressive pouch-having, boxing glove-wearing, hopping horned mammals.
Tags: Animals/Nature, Breeding
Animal Breeding: Part 1
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Words/Language on July 5th, 2010
If you were to breed:
1) A Snake
2) A Giraffe
You would end up with:
A Snaraffe.
Tags: Animals/Nature, Breeding
Cowolves
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Ridiculousness on May 26th, 2010
Do non-human werewolves exist? By exist I mean have they ever been written about in fiction? Do cow werewolves exist? Would they howl at the moooooooon? This post existed just to write that. I apologize. No I don’t.
Tags: Cows, Werewolves
Bull Crap
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Idiots, Sports/Entertainment/Music on October 28th, 2009
Whomever came up with the idea that bull riding is something we should do should be shot. Some retards sit on a bull and get flopped around for 5-10 seconds and we’re supposed to act like they’re doing a great job? Do people really watch this on television for entertainment? Who actually goes to these events? I’m aware that retarded southerners go to these events but does anyone with an actual working brain enjoy this? And how do these idiots get into bull riding? Is it a family tradition? Are they that bored? Stop sitting on animals that don’t want you sitting on them, you fucking idiots.
Tags: Bull Riding
Animal Icing
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Commonalities, Ridiculousness on October 19th, 2009
What if animals pooped icing? Not icing with traces of feces, just icing. 100% icing. Would you eat it? Would it make a difference which animal it was coming out of?
Tags: Animals/Nature, Excretion, Icing
Eagle Attacks
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Ridiculousness, Sports/Entertainment/Music on October 15th, 2009
Sometimes at a football game during the singing of the national anthem (a retarded tradition, by the way) a trained eagle will be released and fly around the stadium and supposedly inspire all of us and remind us of how free we are. Free like the eagle being held in captivity. Anyway, the most ideal scenario in my eyes is if this eagle flies away and somehow doesn’t end up dying in the wild. However, a close second would be if the eagle went on a bärsärkar-gång and murdered every last cheering fan. If it then turned to the camera and smiled I’d consider that an added bonus.
Basic Rules
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on September 23rd, 2009
My rules for my cat are the same as my rules for my girlfriends. You can play with it as long as you’re not chewing on it.
That’s A Bear
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature on September 14th, 2009
I was at a wedding recently and while taking pictures on the boardwalk I saw what appeared to be a brown bear. After some investigative work it turns out it was a breed of dog called a Newfoundland. I probably had seen one before but obviously not recently enough to remember that they existed. Apparently they are very powerful, loyal and have water rescue tendencies. I suppose he was at the beach taking his lifeguard exam. I think I’d rather get saved from drowning by a big bear dog than a human lifeguard…unless it’s Nicole Eggert.
Tags: Bear, Dog, Newfoundland
More Public Options
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Ridiculousness on September 8th, 2009
I do not support any public option that doesn’t include full coverage for skull fucking kittens. Until this is part of the government health plan I simply cannot support it.
Tags: Kittens, Public Option, Skullfucking
Spiders Don’t Speak English
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Humans/Society/Family on August 29th, 2009
I was in the bathroom yesterday and saw a spider minding his own business on the ceiling. I don’t kill spiders unless persuaded by a cute girl so I said, “Hi Mr. Spider.” At that particular point I realized that while I meant to be friendly to the spider the vibrations from my voice more than likely caused him/her to get agitated and tense up. So I apologized to the spider which of course had the same effect.
Senator Puppy
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Humans/Society/Family on August 2nd, 2009
The most effective form of government is puppies.
Tags: Government, Puppies
Cat Sex
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on July 8th, 2009
It’s sad to think that my cat will never have sex. Does my cat know what sex is? Has he seen other cats having sex and desired a life where he too has sex? Does it make him upset to think about this? Is he a heterosexual or homosexual cat? I guess we’ll never really know, because my cat will never have sex.