Archive for ‘Transportation’
Last in Creativity
Posted by WIWAM in Politics/Nationalism, Transportation on July 18th, 2010
Recently I was driving behind a car that had North Carolina license plates. Since every state needs a retarded slogan on their license plates North Carolina had one that said, “First In Flight.” First in flight…really? This is the best you can do? There hasn’t been anything important that happened in North Carolina, ya know like, since then? It’s been 107 years since the Wright brothers famously had their first human flight. I understand that flight is a huge historical achievement, but this is hardly drawing tourists to your state at this point. If I was the first state to abolish slavery I would probably be deservedly proud of something like that, but I don’t think it belongs on a license plate at this point in human history. I thought the point of retarded license plate slogans was to say something meaningful which brought in potential tourists and got people excited about visiting. Also, North Carolina and Ohio apparently have some sort of friendly state rivalry going on because Ohio has license plates that say, “Birthplace of Aviation”. Oh shit, state fight is on!
That’s it, license plate slogans are for idiots.
Tags: License Plates, North Carolina
Cooter Scooter
Posted by WIWAM in Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating, Transportation on June 29th, 2010
As is the case with most of my sex toy ideas, I do not research to see if they actually exist. I’m sure this one does in some capacity and if it does not then I am a goddamn genius and am in need of a sex toy inventor’s job ASAP (for those reading with connections).
Anyway, there should be a scooter or some type of motorized bike outfitted with a dildo on the seat, for those women who are stuck in traffic or just need to orgasm before work or wherever they’re going. Nowadays, there is precious little time to get things done and multitasking is a necessity. So travel and masturbation seems like a logical pairing. So for you invention companies out there, get moving for my lady friends. You can call it the Cooter Scooter. I expect royalties.
And yes, I clearly think about dildos more than the average person.
Tags: Dildos, Scooter, Sex Toys
Walking Out
Posted by WIWAM in Transportation on May 22nd, 2010
I see this less now that I’m an adult, but as a kid I used to see a large number of people who walk with their toes pointed out from their bodies at a strange angle. I always found this strange because my feet land almost perfectly straight no the ground. I always thought I was taught to walk incorrectly, or that I was doing something wrong. Now I see this less and less so I’m assuming that it’s the other people that are walking in a strange manner. So how did these people learn to walk that way? Did they grow out of it? I recall a large number of adults doing this as well so I suppose they never did “grow” out of it. Is it bad for their bodies to walk that way? Did it cause problems with their legs or feet? I demand answers!
Scary Gas
Posted by WIWAM in Personal, Transportation on November 16th, 2009
I like pumping gas and prefer to pump my own but I have particular gas stations that I trust and feel comfortable at, and I don’t enjoy going to gas stations that I’ve never been to before. Sometimes it’s because I don’t know if they’re only full serve stations or I think there will be a strange method to start the pump. Obviously, there are times in which I have no choice and have to go to one I’ve never visited previously. Once I go to this new gas station and have an acceptable experience then I’m fine and they can join my list of gas stations I’m not afraid of.
Tags: Comfort, Gas Stations
Fish Fight
Posted by WIWAM in Religion/Holidays/Traditions, Transportation on October 22nd, 2009
I very much dislike bumper stickers, magnets, etc. on the back of cars but I do enjoy the fact that I’m starting to see more and more “darwin fish” than ever before. I also enjoy that the darwin fish has little feet to signify evolution taking place. Way to fight back against the evil “jesus fish”, darwin fish.
Light Driving
Posted by WIWAM in Idiots, Transportation on October 20th, 2009
People don’t know how to drive. People are mostly retarded of course so this shouldn’t surprise anyone. I come across drivers on the road all the time who don’t turn their lights on in the rain. They don’t turn their lights on in the snow. And they don’t turn their lights on AT NIGHT. WHEN IT’S DARK OUT. NIGHT IS WHERE THE DARK IS. LIGHTS ARE WHERE THE LIGHT IS. TURN YOUR FUCKING LIGHTS ON.
Fire Police
Posted by WIWAM in Idiots, Transportation on October 10th, 2009
I saw a bumper sticker recently that said, “FIRE POLICE”. Those instructions seem a little vague. Do you want me to fire the police? I don’t think I have that kind of authority. Certainly I can make a phone call and eloquently present my suggestions as to why we should release the entire police force from duty. However, I think it an unlikely scenario that the police chief, major, etc listen to some random guy’s suggestion concerning going forward with no policemen. Perhaps we’re being instructed to set the police on fire. In that case I think they should have at least included a comma so it’s more clear that I take the fire and move it directly onto the policemen. Either way it seems like a rather painful thing to be set on fire and I’d rather not cause any pain to these people. In addition, they have guns and could probably get a shot off before they’re burned to death. This seems like a rather risky proposition. I suppose it’s possible that I could set them on fire from a distance by throwing a Molotov cocktail or by using a flame thrower, but I’m more likely to set myself on fire while handling those items.
Or, perhaps, you should consider not buying bumper stickers to support your local fire and policemen and instead donate whatever money you spent on that worthless item to the cause so they can spend it on equipment and more people.
Tags: Bumper Stickers, Fire, Police
No Need For Seats
Posted by WIWAM in Humans/Society/Family, Transportation on October 3rd, 2009
Small cars are for people with no friends.
Honking Responsibility
Posted by WIWAM in Transportation on September 24th, 2009
If you’re in your car and second in line at a red light you have a responsibility to honk at the asshole in front of you that is busy going through his fucking glove compartment and doesn’t move when the light turns green. I’m a patient man so I’ll give you about a quarter of a second to honk your horn before I ram into your Saab and push you both into the intersection. Pay attention assholes!
Tags: Honking, Responsibility
Walking the Parkway
Posted by WIWAM in Humans/Society/Family, Transportation on September 7th, 2009
If you see someone walking down the parkway/highway/expressway they are either having bad day or a really bad life. It might be best to swerve over and hit them to end their misery.
Jesus Car
Posted by WIWAM in Religion/Holidays/Traditions, Transportation on August 27th, 2009
Recently I saw a car on the road which had a license plate frame that read, “Born Again Auto”. Do we really have automotive dealerships catering exclusively to born-again Christians? It seems to me like they’re really missing out on a lot of customers who do not share their beliefs. If this business venture is truly successful I should maybe consider opening the first Atheist Auto. If you have an absence of belief that the car you want to buy exists then you get $500 off.
Goin’ Up
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness, Transportation on August 7th, 2009
Imagine for a second that Heaven existed. Imagine that it was indeed up in the sky. Now imagine that the ground in heaven is solid, and that there was a point on Earth where if you went high enough you hit Earth’s “ceiling”. Now imagine a plane accidentally climbing too high and crashing into the bottom of Heaven. The people on the plane going to Heaven don’t have very far to go, they just keep going up. Unless of course the plane starts to fall back to Earth before the people die.
Shrug, that’s all I’ve got.
Turn Signals
Posted by WIWAM in Idiots, Transportation on July 30th, 2009
Cars have existed for around 100 years. I don’t know how long turn signals have existed for, but it’s been long enough that I get to call out idiots who don’t use them. Turn signals are important. If I don’t know where you’re going, it’s possible I will hit you with a big fucking piece of metal going at a high speed. This will most likely hurt one of us. Because of this fact, you are a moron if you don’t use your turn signal every fucking time you’re making the slightest movement with your car. I don’t fucking get it. Do you think it’s difficult to flip a little fucking lever up or down? Do you forget? If you forget then you obviously should not be driving. You could forget how to stop, or turn the wheel, which are equally as difficult as flipping a fucking lever up or down. Fuck you, non signalers. I hope you crash into each other.
Tags: Cars, Idiots, Turn Signals
Your Car Names Suck
Posted by WIWAM in Transportation on July 20th, 2009
Thanks to DVR I don’t have to watch many commercials anymore, but when I do have to see them there inevitably is at least one car commercial during each break. What I’ve realized is that car names are getting more and more ridiculous as time goes on. I realize that there are a limited number of names that sound appealing, but I can’t believe that this is the best they can do. Sportage? Soul? Ridgeline? Clarity!?! These names make me want to puke, at least make them exciting. You know everyone would start talking about the Nissan Orgasm, Toyota Killing Spree or the Honda Tattoo. Spice it up a bit, assholes!
Bumper Stickers
Posted by WIWAM in Transportation on July 9th, 2009
I can’t decide whether or not I like bumper stickers. Part of me hates them, mostly because I disagree with most of the statements on the ones I do see. On the other hand, when I see bumper stickers for bands, or a funny statement I do enjoy them. Recently I saw one that said, “U.S. Army. Freedom Team.” I couldn’t help but laugh at the conflicting ideas. Most of the bumper stickers I see unfortunately revolve around politics, which I hate. I don’t think I’d ever put one on my car because I don’t feel the need to spread my propaganda or draw attention to myself. I guess my jury is still deliberating over bumper stickers. The outcome doesn’t look good, though.
Tags: Bumper Stickers, Cars, Stickers