Archive for ‘Commonalities’
Bitch Side
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Fashion on July 1st, 2010
We all have a favorite side of the closet, and a bitch side of the closet. Our favorite side is easily accessible and holds all the clothes we wear on a regular basis. The bitch side of the closet is further away, hard to get to, darker, and houses all of the clothes that we will either never wear again or wear rarely. The bitch side has jackets in the summer, suits at all points of the year, old shirts, dirty favorite shirts with stains that just won’t seem to come out, clothes that just don’t fit anymore and workout clothes. It more than likely encompasses half of your entire closet space, yet it’s almost never used. We’re very happy with our favorite side of the closet. It has a large amount of light and the clothes have more room to breathe than the bitch side. It’s almost as if Heaven itself is shining down on that side, inviting you to wear some of it’s fine offerings. It makes you smile as it contains all the clothes that look great on you. The bitch side just needs a little bit of love, but it will never receive it. It is destined to be angry, upset and murderous for the whole of eternity.
I’m Not Really Glad
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Sports/Entertainment/Music on June 30th, 2010
I’m not really glad they made The Children’s Aid Society. I don’t know how long ago it was that I heard the jingle on T.V. for The Children’s Aid Society but it was long enough that I’m concerned about my well-being that I still remember it vividly. I can’t remember where I put my glasses on a daily basis but for the rest of my life I will be able to sing the jingle to this commercial. I don’t know if The Children’s Aid Society still plays those comemrcials but I really hope that they don’t. Another generation of people do not need to be subjected to such a memorable, life-altering jingle. I feel like it’s eating away at my brain. I’m really glad they made… The Children’s Aid… Society. It plays over and over and over again in my head. I think every tenth playback it has a subliminal message that tells me to murder my family. I don’t trust it.
Tags: Commercials, Jingles
A Few Rubber Bands
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Personal on June 28th, 2010
I needed a few rubber bands for a project I was working on, so as anyone would do I went to Staples. Unfortunately, Staples only sells rubber bands in packages and counts of a billion. I think it’s a billion, it may be upwards of two billion. I now have enough rubber bands to left me for the rest of my existence. I will never have to buy rubber bands again for the rest of my life, unless of course someone comes and steals my rubber bands. I don’t think that scenario is very likely though, since the thief would need to own a wheelbarrow. So if you need any rubber bands…ever…give me a call.
Tags: Rubber Bands
Getting Warm
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities on June 7th, 2010
Being warm and comfortable is a great thing, I don’t think I need to tell you that. But do you find that the act of getting warm is sometimes better than actually being warm? Those first few moments under a blanket or in front of a fire are bliss, even if you’re still cold. Why is that? Something psychologically or chemically in your brain is occurring to affect your thoughts on which is better. Perhaps the cold temperature being fresh in your brain and on your skin plays a factor in your thoughts on the subject, or maybe it’s the difference between the two temperatures that you notice right away. Whatever the case may be, I don’t know if I ever smile more than when I’m getting warm.
Tags: Warmth
Late With Style
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Words/Language on May 30th, 2010
Can you be fashionably late if you announce beforehand that you plan on being fashionably late? Doesn’t your announcement take away the surprise factor of the lateness, thereby ruining it? Does it depend on how many people you tell, and if those people are going to be present at the event you’re referring to? Where are the rules regarding what constitutes fashionably lateness written? I’d like to read them.
Let Me Go
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Words/Language on May 18th, 2010
I hate when I’m on the phone with someone and they tell me, “Well, I’ll let you go.” I do not like that. It’s possible that I told you I had something else to do and I can’t talk for an extended period of time, but let’s not pretend that you’re not the one ending the conversation. Clearly you are using me to conveniently end the talk. Why do you need to pretend that you care about my schedule? Be honest with the people you’re speaking to. When I want to get off of the phone with a particular friend of mine I say, “Can I go yet?” When he’s done talking he very often says, “Are we done here?” Yes, bye.
Tags: Phone
Cold & Flu Myths
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Ridiculousness on May 7th, 2010
Cold weather does not cause you to get a cold. COLD WEATHER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU TO GET A COLD OR GET SICK OR GET THE FLU!! Capital letters and exclamation points!!!! The flu and the common cold are caused by viruses. In the winter more people stay inside and you’re more likely to spread germs to one another. That is the only truth. If someone tells you to put a coat on because it’s cold and you’re going to get sick, give them a big smack in the face and tell them to stop believing in silly mumbo-jumbo.
Fart Attack
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities on December 12th, 2009
We all fart, we all burp, we all sneeze. These are common actions we share from our fantastic human vessels. We don’t talk about them very often, but we should. I think they’re all terribly fascinating. Especially farting. Farting is the action that is thought of as more disgusting than the other two. They can smell pretty badly so I suppose it’s understandable. That aside, I wonder about certain farting specifics. Like for instance, is there a record for longest fart? Or the loudest? or the smelliest? How do you judge the smelliest fart? Is there a committee? Do you “win” something, like at a carnival? Or perhaps if you’re deemed the smelliest fart winner they take you away, never to be seen again. Has anyone farted so powerfully that they gave themselves a heart attack and died? Would the autopsy reveal that you died of a heart attack or a really intense fart? I think thoughts like these explain why I’m alone in my apartment on most nights.
Tags: Farting, Heart Attack
Phone Memory
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Personal on December 3rd, 2009
Without fail, I always remember the one thing I wanted to bring up on a phone call within a minute of hanging up the phone. Normally if I call someone I’ll have a few topics I want to cover, but I’ll get distracted by the flow of the conversation and forget one of the topics. Usually the most important one. Recently I was on the phone with a friend three times during the day and each time when I hung up I remembered the one thing I wanted to tell him. Instead of calling him back immediately and telling him (because he was driving) I waited and spoke to him later and forgot the same thing. Three times. I’m pretty retarded.
Tags: Forgetfulness, Phone
Who’s The Judge?
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Humans/Society/Family on November 24th, 2009
I find it funny that we as humans spend so much time judging each other. We judge each other on so many different things. How tall someone is, what color their skin is, what gender they are, whether they’re skinny or fat, etc. We even go as far as to judge people based upon slight imperfections we all have, like if someone has a pimple on their head. We are barely upright, oily mammals and we laugh at someone people they have a little dot on their head. We’ve all had pimples, we all have excretory systems, and we all have gases coming out of various places. Some of them even make fun noises. So get over yourself.
Tags: Imperfections, Judging
Bed Sides
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Humans/Society/Family on November 18th, 2009
Everyone has a side of the bed that they’re most comfortable sleeping on. Whether it be the side you grew up on, the side you demanded to take or the one you were “assigned” by your significant other you probably have one. When a previous girlfriend and I only had a twin bed to sleep on she took the side against the wall to feel secure, but when we moved in together and had a queen sized bed I got the other side because of her preference growing up. Unfortunately, the girls tend to make the rules in my relationships but this side-switching shouldn’t be allowed! Once you choose a bed side in a relationship you should not be able to switch, even with a change in circumstances.
Crossword Fright
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Games/Toys on October 24th, 2009
The one problem I have with the newspaper crossword puzzles is that they have predictable difficulty levels depending on the day. We know Monday and Tuesday will be the easiest and it will get progressively more difficult as the week goes on. I think the difficulty level should be completely random. Then there would be no reason to be scared of Friday.
Animal Icing
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Commonalities, Ridiculousness on October 19th, 2009
What if animals pooped icing? Not icing with traces of feces, just icing. 100% icing. Would you eat it? Would it make a difference which animal it was coming out of?
Tags: Animals/Nature, Excretion, Icing
Shower Impatience
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Personal on October 14th, 2009
I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m very impatient when it comes to waiting for my shower to reach an ideal temperature. My shower can change temperatures very quickly and I never have to wait more than 10 seconds for it to heat up, but that doesn’t stop me from jumping into a freezing or scalding shower because I just can’t stand wasting any time. Normally this act is quickly followed by cowering in the corner and developing a pinched nerve in my neck as I reach back to adjust the hot and cold knobs.
Tags: Showers, Temperature
Bad Luck To You
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities on October 7th, 2009
Out of common courtesy we say “Good luck” to people we do not want to succeed. I think we all should just come out and say what we mean. I’m guilty of this when I’m talking to someone who likes a different sports team than I do. If their team is playing a team I like I’ll often wish them and their team good luck when I really mean, “I hope your team plays the worst game of its life and you cry uncontrollably during the embarrassment.”
Let us all be more honest.