Archive for ‘Ridiculousness’
Beach Balls
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on July 14th, 2010
I think it would be pretty terrible to have, “beach balls”. Doesn’t this sound like a horrific secondary sex organ problem? “I’m sorry sir. I’m afraid you have… beach balls.” That’s the last thing I’d want to hear at the doctor’s office. What would be the symptoms of beach balls? Testicles filled with sand? Multi-colored testicles? Children come around and slap your nuts around? No matter how you cut it, it would be terrible to have “beach balls”. How would one go about curing these beach balls? Surely you’d have to stay out of the sun for quite a while. I hope I never get “beach balls”, and I hope you don’t either.
Tags: Beach Balls
Shocking Outlets
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on July 13th, 2010
The electrical outlets in my apartment shock me. They tell me unbelievable things, which in turn shocks me again because there are talking electrical outlets in my apartment.
Tags: Outlets
Foot Meal
Posted by WIWAM in Health/Nutrition/Food, Ridiculousness on July 11th, 2010
Imagine you are a prisoner being held captive, and you are being forced to eat a human foot. You must eat this foot or you will be killed, but you do have a few choices: You can choose whether you eat a right or left foot. You can also choose whether or not you eat the foot off the bone, or have it cut up in pieces. How do you eat this foot? I’d have to go in pieces, and a right foot.
What Would You Do?
Posted by WIWAM in Health/Nutrition/Food, Ridiculousness on July 8th, 2010
What would you do for a Klondike bar? Would you blow a goat? Stick your dick in a bear trap? Would you punch your mom in the face for a Klondike bar? How about your grandmother? Would you stick your grandmother in a bear trap? Would you blow a bear trap or punch a goat in the dick? Would you insert a paper clip into your urethra? How about a garden worm? Would you blow a garden worm? Klondike bars are pretty delicious, would you drive your car over 200 rabbits for one? What if they were already dead? Would you kick an elephant in the testicles, or bend back the nail on your big toe? Would you Crazy Glue your hands together? Or your hand to your genitals? Would you Crazy Glue a Klondike bar to your genitals, then bend over and eat it? Would you eat Crazy Glue? How about a monkey’s tail? How about the band The Monkees? Would you eat them? Would you eat them out? Would you circle jerk with The Monkees? What about with Guns N’ Roses? Would you 69 Axl Rose? How about Slash? Would you tape them 69ing each other? Would you tape a snuff film with The Monkees and Guns N’ Roses? What about with a goat and a monkey and an elephant? Would you let an elephant blow you with his trunk? We’re talking about a fucking Klondike bar here, people.
Tags: Klondike Bar
Banana Ninja
Posted by WIWAM in Fashion, Ridiculousness on June 26th, 2010
Did ninjas always have black clothing? Were they stealth entities from their inception? I wonder if ninjas had a natural evolution like species on this planet. Maybe they didn’t think too clearly about their objectives at first and started with a full yellow body suit. Clearly ninjas would be far more noticeable with full yellow attire compared to black. Natural selection would suggest yellow ninjas would be disposed of far more quickly than black-suited ninjas, leading to the evolution of ninjas to all-black attire.
Tags: Ninjas
Dildo Creation
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on June 15th, 2010
What would you do if you woke up in the morning and went to the bathroom, but when you sat down on the toilet you shit an entire dildo. A big, rubber dildo. I’m not saying somehow you or another person happened to put a dildo inside of you without your knowledge during the night, but if your body actually created a rubber dildo and you shit it out. Would you tell anyone? Obviously there would be a lot of blood and muscle tears involved as you struggled to release this unwanted dildo from your anus. You might have to go to the emergency room if the damage was bad enough. Would you wait to see if it happened again before checking yourself into the hospital? Would you go after the first dildo? How many dildos would you have to shit out in a row before you considered this a major problem? I know the chances of this happening are slim, but I think we all should be as prepared as possible just in case.
Tags: Dildos
Box Girl
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness, Sex/Drugs/Relationships/Dating on June 2nd, 2010
Imagine, for a moment, that you’ve met the person of your dreams. He or she is a match for you in every way; emotionally, sexually, intellectually. You plan on spending the rest of your life with this person. There is however one big problem; they shit in a litter box. Every time they need to go they squat down in a box filled with kitty litter and let it rip. They cover it up with litter, stand up, wash their hands and go on with their lives like it’s perfectly normal. That’s not the worst part, though. They make you clean the litter box. Now remember, this person is perfect in every other way. You are meant for each other. You mesh. You click. You and this person just make sense. It is exactly how a love for the ages should be; except they shit in a litter box that you have to clean. Daily. Do you stay with this person?
Tags: Dream Girl, Litter box
Cowolves
Posted by WIWAM in Animals/Nature, Ridiculousness on May 26th, 2010
Do non-human werewolves exist? By exist I mean have they ever been written about in fiction? Do cow werewolves exist? Would they howl at the moooooooon? This post existed just to write that. I apologize. No I don’t.
Tags: Cows, Werewolves
Three Arms
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on May 25th, 2010
What if the best dancer the planet has ever seen had 3 arms? Not 2 arms and a stub, but three full working arms, one coming out of her side 6 inches below one of the other arms. Do you think society would accept her because of her ability as a dancer? Is society ready to deal with human mutations in a responsible and mature manner? Probably not. The end.
Penis Police
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on May 19th, 2010
I wonder how many times I could get away with yelling the word “penis” in a police station before I would be arrested? 15 times? 30? I suppose it would depend on the location of the police station. I would assume that in Alabama it would take about 4 utterances, while Minnesota would be more like 40.
Cold & Flu Myths
Posted by WIWAM in Commonalities, Ridiculousness on May 7th, 2010
Cold weather does not cause you to get a cold. COLD WEATHER DOES NOT CAUSE YOU TO GET A COLD OR GET SICK OR GET THE FLU!! Capital letters and exclamation points!!!! The flu and the common cold are caused by viruses. In the winter more people stay inside and you’re more likely to spread germs to one another. That is the only truth. If someone tells you to put a coat on because it’s cold and you’re going to get sick, give them a big smack in the face and tell them to stop believing in silly mumbo-jumbo.
Money Mouth
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on May 6th, 2010
What would life be like if you burped quarters? If every time you burped a quarter came flying out of your mouth. It may sound like a nice way to make money, but it would probably the the worst thing that ever happened to you. First there would be the uncomfortable feeling of the quarter itself flying out of your throat and mouth, which can’t be pleasant. Then all the explanations to strangers in shock over what’s going on in front of them. This would be a very bad thing. I hope it doesn’t happen to you.
They Cry More
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on December 1st, 2009
They say that big girls don’t cry. Well, at least The Four Seasons said so. Other people since that song came out have said the same thing. So why don’t big girls cry? Can anyone answer that for me? How was this determined? I would think that big girls cry more, because they’re big. Makes sense to me. Plus I’ve seen big girls cry, so I think this is bullshit.
Freedom
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on November 28th, 2009
There’s a commercial that’s been playing which shows a man who has died and god is reviewing his life in book form. A few pages in the book are blank and then the, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” line comes up on the screen. So go nuts folks. Rape, murder, have an orgy with 4 donkeys and a zebra, cheat on your wife with a male stripper, have a second asshole installed or get a tattoo of Liza Minnelli taking a shit. Just do it in Las Vegas, so that way god won’t find out.
Hit Songs
Posted by WIWAM in Ridiculousness on November 13th, 2009
I like songs that come right out and say what they are, what they mean and why you should care. That’s why I’m writing a new song called, “Put my penis in your mouth and order me a pizza.” I think it’s going to be a hit.