We all fart, we all burp, we all sneeze. These are common actions we share from our fantastic human vessels. We don’t talk about them very often, but we should. I think they’re all terribly fascinating. Especially farting. Farting is the action that is thought of as more disgusting than the other two. They can smell pretty badly so I suppose it’s understandable. That aside, I wonder about certain farting specifics. Like for instance, is there a record for longest fart? Or the loudest? or the smelliest? How do you judge the smelliest fart? Is there a committee? Do you “win” something, like at a carnival? Or perhaps if you’re deemed the smelliest fart winner they take you away, never to be seen again. Has anyone farted so powerfully that they gave themselves a heart attack and died? Would the autopsy reveal that you died of a heart attack or a really intense fart? I think thoughts like these explain why I’m alone in my apartment on most nights.